You know that feeling when you're telling someone a story about something that happened to you - maybe it was really sad, or maybe it was completely wonderful and exciting.
And the person you're talking to is riveted and so deeply interested in what you're saying.
You know, the opposite of the old 'looking at your phone while mumbling incoherent gibberish' trick many of us are so skilled at.
These interested listeners are practicing full body listening - parents and teachers out there you know this well!
Maybe they're nodding in agreement
They might mirror your movements or posture
Asking thoughtful questions
Encouraging you to go on, tell them more
Listening to understand, rather than to respond (Yess!!) ✨
How do you feel when you are listened to in this way?
You likely feel cared for, understood. You maybe feel heard.
You feel... seen.
And it feels AMAZING to be listened to like this.
Imagine the ability to give that gift of helping someone feel truly heard, seen, and understood.... to yourself?
Hint! You can 😉
ONE MINUTE TO
DEEP INNER LISTENING ✨
STEP 1. STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING
Take a deep breath in through your nose and a long exhale out from your mouth. Often people will slowly count to 4 on the in-breath, and do an out-breath at a 6 or 8 count. Do what feels comfortable for you.
PRO TIP! The longer exhale turns on the Relaxation Response and is your new Go To for a quick hit of calm and peace in ANY situation. I use it ALL the time in my own life, teaching yoga classes, in traffic, with my children etc...
AND if you do it purposefully (and a little bit exaggerated) in a time of 'elevated' emotions, people (your children in particular) will naturally follow your example. You will be calmer and so will they. Win-win 🙌🏼
STEP 2. CHECK IN BY ASKING YOURSELF WHAT YOU NEED
Could look like this:
I'm wondering {insert your own name},... what do you need right now?
What do you really want to eat, how much sleep feels right, how much movement do you want and what kind, do you need more time alone, or more connection with others, etc...
Simply asking the question is a HUGE step in the right direction.
STEP 3: LISTEN FOR THE ANSWER
Get quiet so you can hear and importantly, absorb, the answer.
Just like that engaged listener - you're curious, you're looking deeply. You're open-minded, non-judgmental.
You're seeking to understand, not respond ✨
What message is your body sending?
✨ If you need sleep - how might that present itself in your body? (tired eyes, yawning, feeling foggy...)
✨ If you need alone time - what could be a hint toward that? (you're pacing, you're already in another room alone, your body language is closed up...)
✨ If you need connection - what does that feel like? (tug in your heart space, sitting close to someone else, squeezing your poor cat to death...)
✨ If you want to share your enthusiasm with someone - how can you know? (excited energy pulsing in your body, happy smile, big exaggerated movements...)
✨ BONUS! ACT ON IT
This is a little tougher....
We're so used to ignoring ourselves in favor of doing what others are doing, what we think we should be doing, or acting out of habit.
But this is the Ultimate Goal.
Cultivate the habit of listening in, and then acting on what you hear.
Build trust in yourself so you can continue to make decisions based on what is important and feels right for YOU, not for anyone else.
Some opportunities to try this deep listening include:
✨ First thing in the morning while you're still in bed ~ Pro-Move to start your day with mindful intention 🙌🏼
✨ Before you eat breakfast
✨ When you're about to do the dishes
✨ Before you step in the shower
✨ Once you sit at your desk
✨ When you are waiting at a stoplight ~ Try this instead of picking up your phone 😉
✨ When you're wondering what to have for dinner
✨ During dinner ~ put your fork down and BREATHE; you can pick the fork right back up, just check in first; How am I feeling? Still hungry? Satiated, stuffed?
✨ Before you pick up the phone
✨ Before/after you send that text
✨ When you can sense that you're getting triggered
✨ When you lie down in bed at night
The more you check in, the more it becomes second nature to do so.
There is so much waiting on the other side of this. And it’s the Good Stuff, not the nonsense we’re told we should be wanting or seeking out.
Figure out what’s true for you, and let go of the rest.
You do that by listening in, over and over (...and over) again.
Carolyn
xx
