What If Nothing Has Gone Wrong?

I've spent a lot of time learning about how our minds work.

And one thing still amazes me.

How quickly we decide something has gone wrong simply because it didn't go the way we expected.

I can start the day with a perfectly reasonable plan.

Get some work done. Squeeze in a workout. Pick up the kids. Have a quiet (ish) evening.

And then someone needs something. Something takes twice as long as expected. The kids have other plans.

And suddenly I'm annoyed💃

Not because anything terrible has happened.

But because this is not how the day was supposed to go.

I think we do this more often than we realize.

We create a picture of how things should unfold, and when reality doesn't match it, we assume something has gone wrong.

But there's a difference between something being difficult and something being wrong.

And lately I've been coming back to a question that changes the way I look at these moments.

What if nothing has actually gone wrong?

What if life is just unfolding differently than I expected?

✨ I N S P I R E

"When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time."

- Byron Katie

✨ T H R I V E

3 Questions to Ask When Life Doesn't Go According to Plan

Grab a piece of paper and try this simple CBT-inspired exercise to help you reframe and move on.

1. What did I expect to happen?

Get specific.

The meeting was supposed to end on time.

My kids were supposed to cooperate.

Everyone was supposed to have a great time.

Often, our frustration isn't just about what happened.

It's about the expectation we had going into it.

2. What actually happened, and what story am I adding?

Fact: Someone canceled our plans.

Story: They don't care about spending time with me.

Fact: My presentation received some criticism.

Story: I'm not good at my job.

Fact: My day didn't go according to plan.

Story: The whole day was a disaster.

Sound familiar?? ⭐

Notice how quickly we move from an event to an interpretation.

And how often we treat that interpretation as the truth.

3. Given what's happening, how do I want to respond?

This is where we get some of our power back.

Instead of spending more energy on "This shouldn't be happening," try: "Okay. This is what's happening. What now?"

Maybe you adjust the plan.

Maybe you have a conversation.

Maybe you let yourself feel disappointed and move on.

You don't have to like what's happening to stop fighting the fact that it's happening.

And you don't have to believe every thought your mind creates about it.

What's something that didn't go according to plan lately, but turned out okay anyway?

Have a great week friends,

Carolyn

✨ F U R T H E R R E A D I N G

The Happiness Formula: Redefining Reality and Expectations: Why expectations shape our happiness

Thoughts Are Not Facts: Stop believing every story your mind creates

10 Powerful Reframes With Immediate Impact: Small shifts in perspective, big differences

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