When You're Not Where You Want to Be....
I know the feeling of "not being where you want to be"
Not where you want to be physically; low energy, eating junk, experiencing aches and pains, uncomfortable in your skin, and unhappy with your body.
Not where you want to be in relationship with yourself; judging yourself harshly and being overly critical; not making time for quiet space, for yourself.
Not where you want to be in relationship with others; feeling like relationships are one-sided... or that they're superficial, not authentic... or maybe it's a sense that you just don't belong (that one's a toughie!).
It feels.... terrible.
The good news is, it's just a feeling.
A feeling that comes directly from a thought that things should be different than they are. PS! Comparison is the Thief of Joy...
You should look different; have a 'better' body, clearer skin, nicer hair, more expensive clothes...
You should have more energy, get more sleep, not wake up so much in the middle of the night....
You should have more willpower, more motivation, more self-control...
You should not be drinking wine at 5 pm, or eating that second helping of pasta, or snacking on the chips on the couch at night...
And more than that, it's a feeling that if these things were different you would be happier, more at ease, more fun to be around, have more energy, and feel more comfortable in your own skin.
But here's the secret... You can feel those things now.
Even in this body.
Even with this family, this relationship, or with these friends.
The answer is not in changing the world or people around you (try as we might!).
It's also not in taking all of the wine and junk food out of the house.
Or getting a new job, or moving across the country.
It's not even in changing your body (even though it feels like that would do the trick!)
The answer to living a life you really love is to change your mindset around what's here.
You get to choose what to think on purpose, from open awareness, and with mindful intention.
Right here, right now.
Yes, it takes work, but it makes all the difference.
Step #1: Identify something that isn't quite where you would like it to be in your life
Choose one situation or thing that isn't quite where you would like it to be (your body, your job, your romantic relationship, meditation practice etc...)
Then, set a timer for 3 minutes and write down everything you think/believe about this thing/situation.
Good, bad, indifferent. Don't censor yourself. Get it all out.
Step #2: Read through and challenge the negative thoughts
Take a good look and circle any thoughts that feel especially problematic or questionable.
Are they really true? Would everyone in the world agree with the statement?
What are you making these thoughts mean?
Step #3: Reframe a troubling thought
Choose a single thought that is particularly... sticky.
You'll know the one...
It will feel so true, and so believable, that there couldn't possibly be any other way to think about this situation.
Yes, that one.
Write it down.
Then consider an alternative thought that also feels true (that's important!), but feels even a touch better.
We call this a ladder thought.
So, if it's:
Ugh... I always eat too much at dinner.
It can become:
"I am working to listen to my body during meals."
Still true, and feels better than the 1st.
You're taking a single step up the ladder toward believing more positive things about yourself.
That is so powerful.
PS! Importantly, it's not, "I always eat just the right amount at every meal!" You won't believe that and so it's not a helpful reframe.
You can believe that you're working on listening to your body. It's true. Practice saying that new thought when the negative ones creep back in (because they will!).
But now you're ready for them.
What could change when you put this into practice? ✨
If this resonates for you and you think you might benefit from a new perspective, then join us for Life... On Purpose!
It's a women's group coaching program designed to help you enjoy being where you are (if you're here, might as well enjoy it!), AND, overcome the self-doubt and insecurity that has been holding you back from creating a life that aligns with your goals, hopes, and dreams.
Let's work through it together.
You won’t believe the impact it can have ✨