The Communication Skill Most People Never Learn

A few nights ago, one of my kids said, “Mom, it’s fine,” after a tough day.

But the way they said fine wasn’t fine at all.

His shoulders dropped, eyes avoided mine, and I knew... this wasn’t about homework.

And it hit me how often adults do the same thing.

We say “I’m good” when we’re not.

We keep moving, hoping no one notices the exhaustion, frustration, or quiet disappointment under the surface.

But those feelings don’t disappear.

They just show up in other ways:

• In the clipped tone during a meeting.

• The silence that follows a partner’s question.

• The tension that lingers after a conversation ends.

Here’s how you can learn to notice those moments.

So you can respond with empathy instead of frustration, create real connection instead of surface conversation, and understand what people really need before things boil over.

✨ I N S P I R E

"The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said." - Peter Drucker

✨ T H R I V E

8 Ways to Read What People Are Really Telling You

1) Notice Who They Look At When Speaking

↳ Eye contact reveals the real decision-makers, not the official titles

↳ In meetings, watch who gets their attention during important points, that's often where the power lives

2) Watch Their Stress Responses

↳ Some people get quiet under pressure, others get talkative, some become controlling

↳ Understanding their pattern helps you adjust your approach (give processors time, let talkers work through it verbally)

3) Pay Attention to Repeated Words or Phrases

↳ "Actually" often signals disagreement they're trying to soften

↳ "Honestly" may mean they're about to share something more authentic

↳ These linguistic patterns reveal unconscious thoughts

4) Read the Room's Collective Energy

↳ Are people leaning in or checking devices? Asking questions or staying silent?

↳ When engagement drops suddenly, pause and address it: "I'm sensing some hesitation. What questions can I answer?"

5) Watch for Energy Shifts When Topics Change

↳ Sudden tension, voice shifts, or crossed arms happen 200 milliseconds before conscious thought

↳ When someone's body reacts before their mind can mask it, that topic matters deeply to them

6) Listen for What Motivates Them

↳ Do they mention "team" (relationship-driven) or "results" (achievement-focused)?

↳ Recognition? Autonomy? Impact? Their language reveals their core drivers

7) Notice What They Avoid Mentioning

↳ Topics they redirect from reveal where their biggest concerns live

↳ If someone keeps steering away from timeline or budget, that's likely the real issue

8) Notice Their Decision-Making Style

↳ Quick deciders get frustrated with deliberation; processors feel rushed by pressure

↳ Match their pace for better outcomes

You already have the instincts.

Now you have the skills to trust them✨

What would you add - reply and let me know!

Carolyn

xx

PS ~ I'm building something special on Instagram!

Daily wisdom and practical tips to help you manage stress and overwhelm, set boundaries and protect your energy.

Would love to have you join me❤️

✨ R E S O U R C E S

The Silent Influencer - Confident body language to build your influence

How to Handle Conflict Like a Pro - Manage conflict calmly, listen actively, build trust

15 Simple Ways to Improve Your Relationships - Nurture connections, listen deeply, show appreciation

15 Counterintuitive EQ Habits (That Actually Work) - Emotional intelligence built through small, conscious habits

---